our drinking problem

Post party bumwine roundup!

Last night about ten people and I had a bumwine tasting. It was under the strictest of scientific conditions. This here is a photo of my fridge beforehand, filled with cookie dough and booze. We began with the lowest alcoholic content booze, Boone's Farm. We had Sun Peak Peach and Mango Grove at 5% alcohol. Everyone enjoyed these. They are quite tasty. I would drink them again, BY CHOICE.

Second up was Frutezia "Sunshine Blend" at 6% alcohol. According to the website, it's pronounced "Fruit-Easy-Ahhh" which is about the stupidest thing I have ever heard. The consensus was while this wine was good, it was not as great as the Boone's. At this point we were cocky and thought some of these wines would be "tolerable." We thought this wine tasted like peach skins.

Next up was the traditional Manischewitz at 11% alcohol. I had had it before and everyone thought it was tasty, though much sweeter than the other varieties. I saw on the website that they have blackberry and cherry, which I would definitely try. I had some Manischewitz sno-cone and it was pretty tasty.

Next, we made a grave error. Mistaking the percentages, I thought Thunderbird at 17.5% alcohol was next. So we tried it. I believe this is the worst beverage I have ever ever tried. Apparently, it turns your mouth and lips black but no one really drank enough of it to find out. Almost everyone found Thunderbird to be TRULY horrid except one person who thought it tasted much like cooking wine. While it did taste very very vaguely of marsala, I thought it was more like rubbing alcohol. Seriously that is not an understatement. If you need to clean metal or dress a wound, I would go for T-bird.

This brought some sadness to the crowd, especially since, due to packaging, someone posited the theory that Night Train is actually T-bird with food coloring. The troops were not interested in more Thunderbird. I theorized that Night Train was supposed to be served Very Cold whereas Thunderbird was just supposed to be served cold. Clearly, they could not be the same! :)

Thankfully they are NOT the same. While Night Train is by no means GOOD, it is vaguely related to a fruit product and has some flavor which covers up the rubbing alcohol. At this point several people mentioned that they were well on the way to making out and there was far more of everyone touching each other.

Next up, someone realized that we had skipped over the 13% MD 20/20. Ah back to the naive world of fruit flavors! During this exciting journey back to tasty beverages we had a smoke break. We entreated my neighbors to drink some Mad Dog with us, which no one really took us up on. At this point most people were pretty happy drunk. We got to this point pretty fast, and I was pouring much larger "samples" of the tastier wines. We started off with MD Red Banana. While I did not love the banana flavoring, it was pretty tasty. Everyone seemed to enjoy it, and it was the only bottle that was emptied. I think that means it officially wins.

The second MD was Peaches and Cream. I really liked it, and everyone else seemed to as well. Both of the MDs were sweet, thicker, and not cloying. The peach was very jolly rancher-esque. At this point, many people began to feel hungover. Many people complained of a headache.

Sadly, we had to forge ahead to the 18% alcohols. Everyone had high hopes for Cisco "Dessert" Wine. No one in their right mind would confuse this for dessert wine. The strawberry was like licking a Stawberry shortcake doll. Others seemed to enjoy it but complained of a "burning" sensation after drinking it. I did not feel the burning and quickly moved onto berry, as I felt it would taste better. It was more of the very sweet, extremely fake berry flavoring, but again, no burning. All Ciscos clearly have the rubbing alcoholy taste, and smelled like cough syrup. But I was unprepared for the blue raspberry. It was so foul. It was as if they chose to make a flavor reminiscent of fruit in general, but not any actual fruit in specific.

Cisco was a big letdown, since Bumwine.com had basically said it made people psychotic. It has "THIS IS NOT A WINE COOLER" listed on its packaging because people were dying because they drank it like a wine cooler. I do not know how anyone can confuse this with a wine cooler. I have had few wine coolers, but generally I feel like they taste more like soda than alcohol. Cisco is clearly alcohol, and maybe not the alcohol you are supposed to drink.

Finally was the Wild Irish Rose. White was Thunderbirdesque but a bit fake fruitier. Finally there was Wild Irish Rose Red which had more flavor (grapey) to cover up the Thunderbirdyness.

At this point everything began slowing down. No one was quick to action. It wasn't so much that they were drunk as paralyzed. I was expecting more rowdy violent drunkeness, but everythign after the MD made people lethargic. At this point 5 people ended up in my bed, but in a sleepy way, not a sexy one. Many plans to go places and do things were concocted but no one could really get up except the person who drank the majority of the Mad Dog.

No one seemed very drunk at this point, just tired. Basically bumwine seems to be potent, but if you can't drink much of it because it's so bad, that doesn't count for much. Most people probably drank about a half a bottle of wine (over 13 kinds of wine) over five hours, so by the end everyone was pretty much already hungover.

With liberal water drinking though, no one seems to be feeling badly this morning. There is some regret for lost time, a vague sense of sleepiness, but not much pain.

You can now begin your conspiracy theories about bumwine being a CIA plot to make the homeless docile.

Bottles from emptiest to fullest at the end of the party:
MD Red Banana
Manischewitz
Frutezia
Boone's Farm Peach
Boone's Farm Mango
Thunderbird (I guess people could not believe how awful it was)
Night Train
MD Peach
Cisco Strawberry
Wild Irish Rose Red
Wild Irish Rose White
Cisco Berry
Cisco Blue Raspberry.

My personal best to worst:
Boone's Peach
Boone's Mango
MD Peach
Manschewitz
Fruitezia
Night Train
Wild Irish Rose Red
Cisco Berry
Cisco Strawberry
Cisco Blue Raspberry
Wild Irish Rose White
Thunderbird

(although those last five are all so distasteful in different ways, it's had to say)

Basically, if you have three dollars, I would either go for 2 bottles of boone's or one bottle of MD. They will get you equally messed up and are quite tasty. Also probably good on ice cream and sno cones! The others would be good for catching fruit flies.

And here you can see how ruly red the limeade is, and why I suspect it's claims as "natural."

Here's the bottle closeup on the cherry limeade....and my skirt.

Hazed and Confused was just how I like it--hoppy and bitter and creamy. Sadly I can't use that for a metaphor of how I like my men. I have had a few beers from this place (they have very distinctive bottles) but I can't find a photo of it. It's got a very creamy head. It's super great.


I also had a bottle of 60 minute Dogfish IPA. I love Dogfish IPA and it's pretty much one of my favorites. I think the 90-minute and 120-minute are much much better. They are hard to find though. I like 120-minute the best, but I do like 60 as well. I hope to try their other Pale Ales soon.

I went to a friend's house to watch the WWE and thought I should bring some beer. She generally drinks the Honey Brown so I was looking around and saw this Augsburger Oktoberfest. It was quite reasonably priced so I tried it. Oktoberfests are supposed to be darker than this was. It was more pilsner-lagery (official term). It was quite light. I have not drunk a pilsner on purpose in quite some time as the midwestern beer scene is pretty much all miller light and this has turned me off to lighter beers. But I was happily surprised. It was great.

I also had a Berghoff Pilsner. This was similarly tasty and light, however it was more watery than the Augsburger and just generally not as flavorful. Both made me reconsider the Pilsner!

Glaceau's*** vitamin water is a real toss up for me. I do love the formula-50 and focus. The name "Vitamin Water" sounds like it would be bad, but in fact it is their OTHER line, "Fruit Water" which is really the loser. I totally buy into these little smart, snappy paragraphs they have on the side of the drink. I sometimes think that if more products would just put compelling writing on their container (like cereal) I would eat them too. Anyway, vitamin water comes in great bright colors and fruitwater is clear. And bad. So bad.

I got the peach. I love everything peach. This drink smelled great! I thought it was going to be awesome.

In fact, it tastes like water. I know you think I am an idiot right now, but if vitamin water is full of tasty flavor, you'd think FRUIT water would be bursting. I could have taken this drink were it just water. But in fact it tastes like very very very watered down sun tan lotion. It has a completely bizarre coconut flavor. The bottle and Glaceau website mention how "natural" and "unsweetened" this beverage is, which makes it all the more ironic that it tastes like an inedible beach product with fake flavoring.

***Heads up on the Glaceau website. There is nudity. Old woman nudity. Not work appropriate!

I love Hogue wineries. When I lived in Oregon, I bought Hogue table wine pretty much every week or so. It was the standard. So I was excited to try this one.

It was just eh. Not sweet enough to my liking, kinda spicy, but not really. Sorta bland. It did not move me. Eric did seem to like it though. More info on it here

It did come with a screw cap which I love because 1. you can close it easily and 2. I hate getting corks out and 3. it gives me an opportunity to school someone about CORK TAINT which is fun to say.

Target's store brand is apparently "Market Pantry." We bought the "non-carbonated cherry limeade naturally flavored water beverage" at Target this weekend. And let me tell you, a long, long name always indicated quality. First, the beverage is flavored by only Splenda and Ace-K. Also, it mentions it is "naturally flavored" but in reality it is BRIGHT RED. This seems like, well, a bad lie. But I gave it a try. I have to say first off that this drink would be amazing if it WERE carbinated. It's lack of carbonation seems weird when you try it, as if it has gone flat. It is both a little too watery and a little too sweet. I don't think it tastes very "diet" drinky but I am a bad judge of this. It tasted more like real lime than real cherry. It tastes remarkable like Sonic cherry limeade.

Photos to come...

Now often, Eric and I do not agree on beverages. He loves vanilla and creme. I'd rather eat dirt. But he bought some Izzes and I was jealous. Mmmm fruit juice and soda--it's a combination I don't get so often now that I don't buy the majority of my soda from a cafeteria.

So last night, at dinner, I bought the Izze Pomegranate.


I know that pomegranate is the new black, or whatever, but I have always loved it. Pomegranates are a huge family tradition and I love them. So I was pretty excited.

This tasted more like cranberry. I love cranberry as well (see, Cape Cod!). I would say I am very very pro-sour, to the point where the people at the Chinese restaurant I frequent are suprised that I am American and love sour so much. This was sour bad. It did not help that the thing I ate it with was a Granny Smith apple, but it was still bad. I agree with Eric that it was also too sweet at the same time as being too sour. It did not really taste like real fruit at all. Maybe this is just all due to me being used to "fake cherry" and "fake orange" but not "fake pomegranate." This does not taste at all like pomegranate.

Well so far my posts have been all about my favorites. This is no exception. I have been on an IPA binge for months now. Last night I went to the Blind Pig (You should vote for them in this contest on my behalf. And yours if you are anywhere near CU). I had two IPAs which were quite strong in ABV. The first was the Titan IPA tap:

I liked it a lot, but I have little else to say about it, since I was mainly hanging out and less thinking about it. It is about 7% alcohol, so it got me a little snockered. It was a good basic IPA, and I know all the rate beer people are all over it, but I thought it was pretty basic. Very good, but pretty standard.

This did not prevent me from bravely moving on to another 7%er, the Three Floyds Alpha King:
. I have had this in the bottle and quite enjoyed it, but never had it on tap. I have to say that I liked it less on tap! It was too dark for an ipa--they're supposed to be pale, you know. Too much nutty, not enough hoppy!

Eric (that other guy who "supposedly" writes on this blog) suggested that I try gewurtztraminer and he thought I would love it. In fact he is completely correct and now Gewurtz is my favoritest wine and pretty much all I buy. The first Gewurtz I ever had is still my favorite, the Fetzer "Valley Oaks" Gewurtz. I always thought of Fetzer as some sort of cheezy wine, and generally I never drink wine (I hate the red), but it was the only Gewurtz at the small liquor store I was at. it's really sweet--sweeter than most Gewurtzes I have tried (tho I have about 5 different bottles in the fridge right now to try). It is peachy and really really good with ginger/spicyness. I drink it with curries a lot, and I am drinking it with ginger candy now.

This evening it has also proven stunningly effective in fruit fly catching and extermination. Both drinking delight and entertainment. How can you pass that up?

It is decided, vodka cran (ne the cape cod) is my favorite mixed drink. i do not like that it is called the cape cod. i would like my favorite drink to have some cool name that really defined me, like one of my other favorite drinks, the moscow mule. I would like it to be racier like a sex on the beach or a slow comfortable screw or something. But there it is. I love the Cape Cod. I always feel shy about asking for a Cape Cod, because it conjures images of an old WASPy lady with a sweater over her shoulders. I usually say "vodka cran" but those rarely come with lime.

I have never been to Cape Cod, but I do enjoy their drink. My hometown of Chicago has a whole host of drinks I think I would hate, including the frozen chicago, Chicago Cocktail, and the Chicago Fizz. The most palatable drink I could find was the Chicago View. I find the Chicago drink selection much like actual Chicago-- the View is great, but the majority of life there is unpalatable.

So apparently I am a true East Coast Protestant, at least in my drink selection. All hail the Cape Cod.

I don't usually like fruity beer, but I do love berries. My favorite berry beer is Leine's Berry Weiss. However, it tastes nothing like beer. This hefeweisen is quite the opposite. It tastes like a Berry Weiss and Hefeweisen together (Hey, why didn't I think of that?). I liked that, but then thought, "you know, i don't really want fruit in my beer, that's why I don't drink fruit beer." I will take my Berry Weiss which tastes nothing like beer when I want fruit and my hefeweisen when I want real beer. I did like this, and it's good. The problem is not with the Berry Hefeweisen. it's with me. I am hoping we could stay friends.

Starting this July, I began keeping track of the beers I drink. I
contemplated keeping track of each and every beer I drank, but I thought
that would give me beer drinking statistics that I could not handle (as it
is I have tried 24 different beers in two months). So mainly I just review
beers that I have tried and never written about.

Shlafly Pale Ale-- I was looking forward to this since the American Pale was SO good. This was okay, not hoppy bitter but just bitter. I could not believe it was not awesome. Sad.

Red Hook Autumn-- I love most everything red hook. Their website does not admit that they have an autumn, but that's really what the tap had. Hmmm....

Red Hook Sunrye--Light summer beer that's good if you want something better than PBR but not overly complex. On tap at the Esquire so I drink it frequently.

Shlafly Hefeweisen-- BORING. oh man. seriously. this beer bored me so much i went to bed without FINISHING it. which i generally think of as a beer sin, but seriously. it was just completely boring, especially in comparison to their awesomely tasty pale ale.

Shlafly American Pale Ale-- SO GOOD. hoppy and bitter!

B(e)-- Be to the E--An awful vitamin like energy drink with the worst after taste. The beginning is like Leine's Berry Weiss though. It's totally un-beerlike.

Rogue Mocha Porter- Tasty! Beer and coffee and chocolatey all at once!

Rogue Dead Guy Ale--I always like this but I never get it. It's
consistently good but not unique or outstanding for me.

Rogue Red Ale- I liked it, had never had the red before. I have a few more. I'll think about it.

Red Stripe- The indie rock party standard.

Newcastle Brown- I like NB on draft but not so much in the bottle

Harbor City Brewing Full Tilt IPA. --eh okay. smoky.

Sierra Nevada Porter--really good. Not too heavy or bitter.

Sierra Nevada Pale Ale--tasty as always, a good all around Pale Ale that
you can get in most city grocery stores.

Killian's Irish Red--I love reds, and before my IPA romance, I would order
the Killian's very consistently.

Bell's Cherry--a little to sour vinegary to me. I had been looking forward
to it, but I didn't really like it.

HOP OTTIN' IPA (India Pale
Ale) -- Super hoppy. bitter! cool amber color. I liked the bitter
part but ther could have been more hoppy sweetness.

Old Style--classic favorite

Bell's Oberon--Summer first beer standard

Shipyard Fuggles IPA-- Undistinctive. sorta boring. A good IPA if you don't
like bitter.

Butte Creek Organic
IPA-- Not bad...darker than I usually enjoy for an IPA.

Avery
Brewing IPA Good! Bitter! It's all hop!

Yuengling Porter--
Good...not too filling.

Yuengling Black and
Tan--Meh, okay (July 4, 2005)

Hey first post!

Testing the beverage blog. look forward to beverage porn soon.