Thursday, March 02, 2006

Warsteiner Premium Dunkel

In the commerce of everyday life, there is a propensity for those who are peddling their wares to use a few descriptors in the sales pitch which make the good sound better than it really is. I have no gripe with this--it is the nature of advertising itself to raise the interest of the buyer for one item above that for other, similar items. My complaint is that marketing execs all use the same goddamn words to describe their product, rendering the words that they do use totally meaningless. In the absence of their intended meaning, the words take on a rather differed role, that of the red flag. Premium is one of those words. The red flag is: We couldn't think up anything better to say about this swill, so we'll call it premium and charge twice what it's worth.

Think about places you get 'premium' goods: Chicken sandwiches at McDonald's, larger mailboxes on free email sites, 'whiter' paper at the copy shop. Come on. It's the same shit, just with the word 'premium' on it.

I can imagine what the people at the venerable Warsteiner brewery must have been thinking when the first vat of Dunkel was ready for tasting:

Brewer #1: So, what do you think?
Brewer #2: Meh, it's a bit malty.
Marketing Guy: 'A Bit Malty' isn't going to sell beer. We need to make it sound exciting!
Brewer #2: It's really not that good.
Brewer #1: It's just kind of mediocre. It's not bad, but...
Marketing Guy: It's Premium! That's it! Premium always works!
Brewer #2: So, uh, you guys wanna go get a beer?

So, ornery as this post is, the beer is not too bad. It's not great. It's mediocre, and it's not worth what I paid.

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